The Shadow of a Cloud: Learning to Notice and Detach from Thoughts
My husband and I recently took a much needed vacation to celebrate our anniversary. With the carry-on stowed in the overhead compartment and the personal item underneath the seat in front of me, I could feel the excitement and anticipation rising. I struggle with motion sickness so the window seat is prime real estate for me when taking off, landing, and during turbulence. As we took off, I was of course looking out the window and observing the buildings and fields getting smaller and smaller. As we climbed, I noticed what I thought was the shadow of the plane. However, as the picture became clearer and I saw that it was actually the shadow of a cloud. It was such a cool perspective to see both the cloud and the shadow it creating underneath. While this might have been a simple observation for some, it struck me that this could be a metaphor for detaching from our thoughts.
Our thoughts are like the cloud. It is clear and present, but not permanent. Our thoughts are not facts, and while a thought can feel overwhelming in the moment, the cloud will eventually move and new thoughts will appear. The shadow from the cloud represents the impact that our thoughts can have on our state of being. If we believe the shade from the cloud to be the absolute truth and that the sky is darker around us than it is for others, we become fused with the thoughts and reactions we experience and experience them as absolute truths. This leaves little room for growth and connection with others.
However, if we can take a step back and look at the bigger picture, we notice that our thoughts are temporary and the impact from the thoughts can move as well. This concept in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is called Cognitive Defusion. We can detach from our thoughts to observe them; this is called metacognition in the therapy world. Thinking about our thinking can allow us to create distance from our thoughts and experiences. When we pair that with who we want to be in the world, for example, I want to be a kind person. I may have a thought that is not kind, but if I notice that it is temporary, I can move forward with actions that are kind even when my thoughts
By detaching from our thoughts it becomes easier to make choices that are right for us. Our thoughts are influenced by so many things, like how we grew up, what our parents believed, our education, our surroundings, our sense of safety, our goals, our beliefs about ourselves, and so much more. By observing the thoughts and noticing where they come from, we can develop space from our thoughts and respond in an effective and intentional way.
Practice saying to yourself, “I’m having the thought that…” This phrase can help increase metacognition, the skill of thinking about our thinking. Once we learn that our thoughts are not facts and they are not permanent, we can become the best version of ourselves.