Coping with Uncertainty
Most people find uncertainty to be uncomfortable. Whether it’s making a difficult decision and not knowing how the different options will play out, grappling with doubt about how a friend truly feels about us, or waiting to hear back about whether or not we got the job we are really excited about, it’s difficult to sit in the waiting space of not knowing all the answers. Further, people who have a predisposition to anxiety find uncertainty to be particularly challenging. In fact, anxiety can be described as an intolerance of uncertainty; similar to those who experience allergies, some people find that exposure to even a small amount of uncertainty can cause a big emotional reaction.
When most people experience uncertainty, the logical approach is to try to create more certainty to help cope with the anxiety. While this approach makes sense, it often is not an effective long term solution due to how much uncertainty is a part of our day to day lives. Think about a time when you worried about the worst case scenario, such as making a mistake at work and worrying you would be fired as a result. You can try to give yourself reassurance by telling yourself everything will be okay; however, most people find they continue to experience anxiety due to a seed of doubt in their mind saying “what if it doesn’t work out?”
This is why working on accepting uncertainty often tends to be a more effective long term strategy for dealing with the intolerance of uncertainty. When people are able to adopt a more neutral and accepting stance regarding uncertainty, they often find they are able to decrease their emotional reaction when faced with uncertainty. In other words, while they might not get to a place where they find uncertainty enjoyable, they can become more tolerant of uncertainty.
Here are some steps you can take to increase your tolerance of uncertainty.
Look for exceptions. Oftentimes when people struggle with uncertainty, they start to view all uncertainty as a negative thing. By looking for exceptions in your life in which you might find uncertainty to be more tolerable, you can start to create more nuance when it comes to uncertainty. Think about watching your favorite sports team or watching a new movie; part of the excitement of those experiences is not knowing the outcome. While these examples don’t hold as much weight as other uncertainties in life, such as uncertainties regarding your job or health, becoming more tolerant of uncertainty in small situations can be a great way to start training your brain to become more accepting of uncertainty.
Use mindfulness to engage in the moment. Frequently when people are experiencing anxiety as a result of uncertainty, they are thinking about a future or potential problem, which can prevent them from enjoying the present moment. In a gentle and non-judgemental way, acknowledge when you are having a difficult time with uncertainty and then re-direct your attention to the present moment. You can do this by being in tune with your five senses. One example of this is the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness exercise in which you notice:
5 things you see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 things you can taste
What if it all works out. Oftentimes when people are struggling with uncertainty, they tend to think about the worst case scenario. For example, a friend not texting back right away could mean they are mad at you or something horrible happened to them. Try to balance these worst case scenarios by thinking about what might go right. Maybe your friend is having a busy day at work and hasn’t had a chance to respond to you yet. By holding space for the possibility for both the worst and best case scenarios, you are working on sitting with the uncertainty.